trying to decide if i agree with that Cow's ideas about that Anais Nin quote or not.
her key graf:
"Right now, I can't mentally separate my romantic behavior that's Just Plain Stupid from the behavior that Society Just Isn't Used To Yet. Furthermore, my instincts are telling me that both possibilities are way off because Everything I'm Doing and Feeling is Okay. I just don't have the theoretical framework to explain it yet. "
my problem is that to make this crazy thing work i feel like i need to ignore every instinct i have. when i want to be selfish i need not to be; when i want to withdraw into myself i need not to; when i want to rebel, i need not to; when i want to be upset, i need to keep a grip of myself and... blahhh.
it feels at times like blindness is hunting for things in the wrong places. or looking for things that aren't there. and i'm never quite sure how either to look for different things or to look in different places.
John Milton, "On His Blindness"
WHEN I consider how my light is spent
E're half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide,
Lodg'd with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, least he returning chide,
Doth God exact day-labour, light deny'd,
I fondly ask; But patience to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts, who best
Bear his milde yoak, they serve him best, his State
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o're Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and waite.
