Letter to David Dawson

In China, we got David Dawson (a family friend) a Chairman Mao bag as an Eagle Scout gift.

My dad wrote a letter to accompany it.

The Harrisons

6 Hedge Lane

Austin, TX 78746

February 11, 2006

Mr. David Dawson

3091 Woodlane Cove

Germantown, TN 38138

Dear David,

Congratulations on your obtaining the rank of Eagle Scout. Our family admires the dedication and hard work that it took to get this rank that none of us ever obtained. I’m also glad to know that most Eagle Scouts eventually become Republicans, some just take longer than others.

Knowing that you were leaving high school to study International Relations and your political leanings toward pacifism and appeasement, we knew that finding the appropriate gift to reconcile the conservative values of personal responsibility embodied in scouting with your more “progressive” political views would be difficult. We searched the world before finding what we think is the perfect gift.

As you probably know, Chairman Mao’s revolution in China unleashed the power of the proletariat in a way that our Democratic Party today only dreams of. We’re sure you will enjoy the readings from the Chairman enlightening and your mind will continue to expand from better understanding this important world leader’s thoughts.

We wish you the best in your college choice process!

Sincerely,

The Harrisons

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I didn’t think this letter was entirely representative, so I added my own:

The Harrisons

6 Hedge Lane

Austin, TX 78746

February 11, 2006

Mr. David Dawson

3091 Woodlane Cove

Germantown, TN 38138

Dear David,

Congratulations on reaching the rank of Eagle Scout. This is a heck of an accomplishment and a real honor. I know this, because I come from a long line of otherwise excellent people who are not Eagle Scouts, and so I know how much excellence it must take in order to make it all the way there. I also know that your father once grew his thumbnail out long enough that he could hide a match head under it, so as to be able to swim across a lake and then start a fire with it. (My father, on the other hand, figured out how to get a buzz from smoking banana peels. We all have our accomplishments.)

Coming from a long line of not-Eagle-Scouts, I can tell you one or two things about what not-Eagle Scouts see in Eagle Scouts. First of all, you know how to tie good knots. Whatsoever ye bind on Earth stays bound on earth. You can find constellations, cook over a campfire, change your own oil, and whistle. I can do none of these things.

More than that, though, you (to a not-Eagle-Scout who’s gotten to watch you grow up) are resourceful. You are persistent, dedicated, kind and honest. You are truthful. You are prepared. Eagle Scouts are the kind of people who leave places better than they found them, who care about the world they live in in all sorts of ways, who always go back for a second load, or second pack, or second canoe. (Incidentally, these are also the virtues of the Democratic Party. More on this later.)

So congratulations, not on becoming an Eagle Scout, but on being one. Aristotle, in one of the books I almost read in college, says that one becomes a moral person not so much by thinking about Goodness or Citizenship or, heaven knows, Good Citizenship, but by acting morally. Aristotle, I feel sure, was an Eagle Scout.

My father (and yours) says you will become a Republican. This may well be true. You will also become old, and fat, and bald. Hair will grow in places it shouldn’t and not in places it should. You may lose your ability to maintain an erection. (If you don’t know what this means, you are not yet in danger of becoming a Republican.)

All sorts of terrible things probably will happen to you. I’m afraid that not even being an Eagle Scout is proof against psoriasis, or eczema, or Republicanism. But for now, while you are Young and Fun and Not An Accountant, I encourage you to live liberally. I doubt you need me to tell you this. But, just in case, I’ll say it again: live liberally! Try Ethiopian food. (I know a place in New York, if you’re ever around.) Throw yourself into things and off cliffs. Become a Buddhist.

Bring home a different book every weekend. You don’t have to tell your parents, but keep reading Marx, Foucault, Lao Tze, Kant. Have arguments. Get into fights. None of us Harrisons are much good in a fight, but feel free to call us for anything else. You’re an adult now, so you’ll need a few things—a good barber, health insurance, someone you can count on to raise bail. Put us down for the bail.

One more thing I know about Eagle Scouts: they carry a lot of stuff. Therefore: your gift. Carry it proudly, if just to piss off your dad before you become him. Congratulations and the best of luck.

Matthew Harrison

arkansas folk song

you can hear a performance at this site

>>
(All of this is talked)

"I was settin down at Claudes Tavern with a good friend of mine, Tom Kirby. Had just got off work an' stopped in for a couple a beers for we went home. We had about three an' were gett'n ready t' go when the door opened and a little boy walked in.

You could tell by his nose he was cold. Wore no coat, his elbows was patched an' ragged, his hands were dirty from th newspapers, his nose was run'in, his little eyes were water'n as he stepped in out'a th cold damp air.

He walked down along th bar first talk'in to one person then another. Then he walked up t' Tom, an he says, any you son-a-bitches want'a by a Grit."
<<

"An old Oxford tradition claims that Bertrand Russell, on being asked why his concerns had turned so dramatically away from academic philosophy, replied, with great dignity, 'Because I discovered fucking.'"--NYer

just think if they used the clapper rather than voice recognition

the article isn't interesting, but this blurb for a cnet news piece amused me: "Intel shows off prototypes of medical devices that could one day let doctors use voice recognition to access patients' vitals."

I imagined surgeons saying a passphrase and then the patient's chest opening up to reveal their vitals. "Computer, show liver!"

Actually, by "vitals" it meant "pieces of vital information." Dude, that's not what adjectives are for.

Things I'm Sad Aren't True

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorksy. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Another Wow!

Another wow:

(excerpt)

NEW YORK --A high school social studies teacher took 11 sick days so he could perform as a professional wrestler with moves he called the "lungblower" and the "over drive," investigators said.

Man.

I don't know what to say.

excerpt:
But in late 2004, county employees began complaining about Kuyath's management style, and in December commissioners shifted his duties and took some departments out from under his supervision.

Then in April, Kuyath showed up at a budget hearing in a Darth Vader costume, and used a "Star Wars" theme for his presentation.


Shortly after that episode, commissioners put Kuyath on paid administrative leave. Since then he has continued to receive full pay.

the full item

(follow-up on previous entry)

In Aaron Carter country, girls will be gross

It seems like only yesterday that male pop tart Aaron Carter was the object of a romantic rivalry between Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff.

But apparently that trauma was nothing compared with the indignity of a recent concert in Orlando, where Carter says he was pelted with a used feminine hygiene product.

"They threw it on stage at me!" the 17-year-old Carter, younger brother of Backstreet Boy Nick, told Lowdown at Miss Sixty's ELLEgirl magazine party the other night. "I was like, 'Ooooh! My God! I got hit with it! Oh my God!' I walked off the stage."

Carter added: "I've never told anyone before."

On the terrace of Splashlight Studios, Carter leaned close and continued his confessional.

"I have fans that are older women that are, like, fortysomething," he said. "They know everything about you, and they complain about how you look, like, 'Oh my God, we like your hair like this, and this.' I'm like, 'Shut up, I don't care!' There's this one older guy in particular. He's got this Aaron Carter doll. 'Remember me? You signed this for me three years ago.' And I'm just like, 'Yeah, I remember that, I gotta go, see ya later.'"

Carter's act of unburdening himself was apparently therapeutic: When he took his leave, instead of shaking hands at the end of the interview, he insisted on giving Lowdown a warm hug.

Lloyd Grove's Lowdown

from Salon.com

"Money Quote:
Teen heartthrob Aaron Carter on being pelted with a "used feminine hygiene product" while performing onstage in Orlando: 'They threw it on stage at me! I was like, 'Ooooh! My God! I got hit with it! Oh my God!' I walked off the stage.'"
--Cited from Lloyd Grove's Lowdown

Hmm.

I am so glad Robert Bjork got turned down for that Supreme Court seat in the '80's. This makes me terrified whom Bush is going to pick, though...

Speaking of which...

My bulleted lists there reminded me of a post I read awhile back: "totally just invented the best format for music EVER" (http://www.livejournal.com/users/qwantz/28155.html).


an excerpt:

Here is the Ghostbusters theme song in list format.
•Things I ain't afraid of:
•no ghost

•Strange things in the neighbourhood (partial list):
•seeing things running through head
•invisible man sleeping in bed

•Things that make me feel good:
•bustin'

•Who you gonna call:
•Ghostbusters
•I can't hear you
•Louder



Regarding Istanbul

•Istanbul:
*not Constantinople
*a Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every girl in Istanbul:
*lives in Istanbul
*does not live in Constantinople

Old New York:
*once New Amsterdam
*unsure why it was changed -> popular?

Constantinople:
*long time gone
*got the works




To which I add

That's noooobody's business but the Turks.....