There's a line in Nietzsche where he says that the moments of most vitality in one's life are those in which you transform your greatest weaknesses into strengths.
I think I'm rapidly approaching one of those moments and I don't know what that entails. I think, a lot, that now is one of those times in which I need to be unhappy. Purifying fire slaking off impurities, and all that. But I'm well aware that that's nonsense.
Really, I go back and forth between that view and thinking that I must make happiness out of whatever life gives me. I ain't doing a great job.
("The sea of faith was once, too, at the full
And round Earth's shoulders lay like a girdle furled.")
I know that I need to become a writer. Whether that means that I should become an academic or put together speeches or what, I don't know, but writing matters to me in a deep intrinsic sense that very few other things do.
And of course, admitting that scares me shitless. I've never been good at discipline and this takes nothing else.
I met a guy-Bob-last night. He was in human resources at a social services agency, had a wife and a daughter and another on the way. I feel like that was enough for him and I can't say how ready I was for that to be enough for me.
I'm tired of having my whole life before me. I want to be circumscribed without the whole process of watching myself miss opportunities. I think I'm ready to feel old.
Also, I'm drunkblogging. Sheesh.
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