Cody Hess is tall, gentlemanly, and has very long arms. He is a former football player, a computer expert, and a stand-up comedian. Fighting him is a very bad idea.
Cody, are you ready to throw down?
On Cody's otherwise first-rate blog, he makes a ridiculous and thoroughly offensive claim:
"If I am brilliant and this is near my maximum capacity for information intake, I am led to seriously doubt any and every Columbia’s students claim to have done all of the required reading, as well as Columbia’s expectation for us to have done all of the required reading."
Now, I don't claim to have read all the required reading. I was far too busy playing Snood and watch Miss Congeniality Two on my suite television to have even tried it. But I will make him eat his words.
Ergo, a bet:
I will read every book on the syllabus of the first semester of Lit Hum, with the exception of that stupid The Garden Party, in one weekend.
If I do it, he admits that I'm right, adds a retraction to the post in question, and (if he's nice) helps me move this blog to a non-blogger domain.
If I don't, I'll show up at three of his comedy shows, wearing my flat-bill, high-brim Nintendo Wii baseball cap and occasionally picking my nose. In the front row.
So Cody--it on?
Fine print:
I will read the entirety of every book that a first semester Lit Hum classs has to read. When books have selected pages, I will read all of the selected pages, even when it's CLEAR that the selection is supposed to start halfway down the page. I will not read tables of context, chapter headings, glossaries, indices, or front or back matter.
A single weekend begins at 5:00 pm on Friday and lasts until 9:00 am on Monday.
If I successfully fill my obligations, Cody will post a retraction on www.codyhess.com that does the following:
*State that he was wrong in advancing the claim in question;
*Acknowledge, if he was drunk, high, stoned, crunk, crazy, stupid, or sleepy at the time of posting, that said factor(s) could have contributed to his filing that inaccurate blogpost;
*Admit that the error was his own, that a better blogger would not have made it, and that no excuse will excuse him;
*Offer to redress any damage incurred by blog-readers because of the spurious claim; and
*Apologizes to Matthew Harrison (by name), the faculty of Columbia College, the wider blog-reading public, and the Entire Internet.
I will only wear that stupid hat during his set.
